February

1. Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2. Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3. Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

4. Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!

5. Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6. That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7. Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you’re welcome. (I want to add in a clause here – This is true, unless she says ‘Thanks a lot’ – that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say ‘you’re welcome’ . that will bring on a ‘whatever’).

8. Whatever: Is a woman’s way of saying Forget YOU!

9. Don’t worry about it, I’ve got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’ For the woman’s response refer to #3.

I have a couple of friends that are firefighters. I always imagined their job being a little harder than this. Now I see how it really is.

You have to be old enough to remember Abbott and Costello, and too old to REALLY understand computers, to fully appreciate this. For those of us who sometimes get flustered by our computers, please read on…

If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, ‘Who’s on First?’ might have turned out something like this:

COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO : Thanks. I’m setting up an office in my den and I’m thinking about buying a computer.

ABBOTT : Mac?

COSTELLO : No, the name’s Lou .

ABBOTT : Your computer?

COSTELLO : I don’t own a computer. I want to buy one.

ABBOTT : Mac?

COSTELLO: I told you, my name’s Lou .

ABBOTT : What about Windows?

COSTELLO : Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOTT : Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO : I don’t know. What will I see when I look at the
windows?

ABBOTT : Wallpaper.

COSTELLO : Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

ABBOTT : Software for Windows?

COSTELLO : No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?

ABBOTT : Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT : I just did.

COSTELLO : You just did what?

ABBOTT : Recommend something.

COSTELLO : You recommended something?

ABBOTT : Yes.

COSTELLO : For my office?

ABBOTT : Yes.

COSTELLO : OK, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT : Office.

COSTELLO : Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT : I recommend Office with Windows.

COSTELLO : I already have an office with windows! OK, let’s just say I’m sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

ABBOTT : Word.

COSTELLO : What word?

ABBOTT : Word in Office.

COSTELLO : T he only word in office is office.

ABBOTT : The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO : Which word in office for windows?

ABBOTT : The Word you get when you click the blue ‘W’.

COSTELLO : I’m going to click your blue ‘w’ if you don’t start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO : That’s right. What do you have?

ABBOTT : Money.

COSTELLO : I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT : It comes bundled with your computer.

COSTELLO : What’s bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT : Money.

COSTELLO : Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT : Yes. No extra charge.

COSTELLO : I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

ABBOTT : One copy.

COSTELLO : Isn’t it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT : Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

COSTELLO : They can give you a license to copy money?

ABBOTT : Why not? THEY OWN IT!

(A few days later)

ABBOTT : Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO : How do I turn my computer off?

ABBOTT : Click on ‘START’…………

I have no idea where I saw this yesterday (or I’d give credit), but it made me giggle.

Once a plane crashes in the river, you can’t exactly fly it back. So how do you get it from point a to point b? Flatbed truck. This thing has 20 steerable axles! It went right down Park Avenue in East Rutherford, NJ on it’s way to Harrison, NJ. Imagine navigating around those corners.

Obviously the webcam thing is nothing new, even though relatively few people still have them. Tonight I came across a new site that is rather interesting. Qik.com allows you to stream live video to the web from your cell phone. But that is just the beginning.

Once you download the software to your phone and create your account, you can immediately start streaming video to Qik.com. The entire setup process took me less than five minutes including creating my account and profile. Video appears on your page at Qik.com and includes a chat feature should you choose to enable it. The video stream also allows you to turn the audio on or off depending on you settings. These setting can be changed on your phone, even while streaming video.

Once you stop streaming, the video is automatically uploaded and saved in your profile so you can view it later. Of course, as with most sites, people can post comments about your video. If you don’t want other seeing the video, you have the option to set it to private. The website interface also provide a permalink and the code to embed the video into your website.

If that isn’t good enough, you can also share it with any of your friends on Facebook or similar sites, or post it directly to your Facebook profile. Another thing I also found interesting is that you are provided code that allows you to create a streaming video channel on your website (or where ever you choose to put it). This way, your streaming video can be broadcast on the site of your choosing.

What about Twitter? Well, there is a setting in your profile that allows you to send an update to Twitter with a notification that you have uploaded a new video. You can also press 55 during or after a video to send it to Twitter if you don’t have automatic settings configured.

The software was unbelievably easy to download and setup. If you want to capture quick videos or stream live, this is a great free way to do it.

Sunset Church of Christ has launched their new website. To introduce the site, they have recruited “Ms. Bobbie” to describe her experience and explain what you can expect from their site.

Perhaps we can recruit her to create a video for our new church website that will be launching soon!